slept really late. in the wee hours of the morning. i think couple of mins later after i went to bed, the rain started to fall. Hard and heavy. the radio called it 長命雨 literally translated, long life rain. The rain was not going to stop for the day even till night the next day. Anyway, i was too tired to notice that it started to rain, actually i wasn't that tired. i think it was the late night self brewed vietnam coffee that kept me up so late.
so what did i do? i was reading the oldest entries of my blog actually and guess what, i kinda cringed as i read a couple of those entries.
cringed because i felt weird, bare and uneasy. so i decided to keep some of the entries as 'drafts'. comparing then and now, i think i've really stopped baring lots on the blog. i guess it's the uncertainty as to who is reading what i type and that i guess certain things are just not worth remembering that much of. somehow, it just reminded me of my foolishness about certain things and certain events. it also reminded me that at the age of 29 there were things which i could handle better. there were also things which i handled really well. whatever it is, each and every event was a learning experience.
still i need to emphasize that how i react to handle certain events may or may not be the same. i guess it's still dependent on who the person and what the event was. hopefully, nobody is taking reference to all those previous entries and expect similar treatments or reaction. to these expectations, i'd say it all depends. never expect too much.
i felt better removing certain stuff, but does it matter now? maybe if i had removed some entries earlier, certain things would have been different? I won't know. Coz i have chosen to reveal things which maybe i should not have and the consequences presented themselves. do i live with regret? it's a simple no. i only believe that things happen for some reasons. good or bad, it's a choice i have made and i have to learn how to live with my decisions and be responsible.
unfortunately, when the blogging become less intense, the thoughts and feelings also became kinda dull and close to unresponsive. it's pretty different blogging then and now.
i'd see if the feelings and thoughts returns fast and furious, but i'd be still careful.
we'll see how it goes..