there i was washing oranges and lemon, squeezing fresh juice out of them when suddenly some thoughts crossed my mind.
i realized of late, i haven't been sharing or talking serious as much as i used to. i mean literally chatting out loud with friends. i enjoy crap chats more these days coz usually they are followed by lots of laughter and no pressure. i seemed to have refrained from talking about what's really happening in my life, my thoughts, ideas and what-have-yous.
i guess i don't exactly feel like sharing as much as i want to and somehow, it's no longer enjoyable. i think it's a trust factor. i find it hard to trust people these days. as such, i kinda feel that what can be said, will be said. things which are more personal, forget it. i'd rather keep to myself. keeping stuff used to be tough as i always felt sharing was a means of getting things out of the system. now, i'd rather forgo that and trade it with not having the need to face any repercussions should i have shared stuff ever so freely.
things change, with that my way of dealing with matters. in the last year or so, i guess i've probably shared much, that i think i've gone for an 'overkill'.
somehow, i am starting to have regrets.
i've always tell myself to live life with no regrets. having made the choices that i made, i should face what comes along thereafter. but at this moment, i regret sharing too much, though i don't deny at that point in time, it felt good. somehow, a year later, it doesn't feel that way anymore. especially when you have people telling you they know what you have shared which was supposed to be kept quiet.
and so, i am lying low this year. listen and that's that. forget about sharing experiences of which..erm well, goes unheeded most of the time and in the end, it just another story to another person.
... ... ...
i always think some people to be weird coz i always wonder why they do stuff which are so beyond reasonable understanding or even logical. people must think me to be a weirdo in one way or another too. whatever it is, i guess we all have our own idiosyncrasies and will have to accept them if we really treat one another as friends as no one is perfect.
there's one flaw however, i will never tolerate. people who think secrets are meant for idle chat and denying having ever done something like that when confronted, ought to be struck by l********g and deserve to be put to d***h!
well, there goes my good karma for the year for cursing another human being.. and it's a lousy year for those born in the year of the snake..